hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
