we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is Oprah even human
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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