Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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