there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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