I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
