I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
