He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
