What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
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I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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