so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
