Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
