Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
