Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My bed smells like the plague
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
