i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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