I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
