Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
