she woke up with a sticky ear
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
