sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
