i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
