just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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