you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
