You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
