does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.