I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.