see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.