sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.