Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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  (570): If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid. http://tfl.nu/ujtp
  Replies (16) Good night (694) Bad night (3319) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  This bar receipt from last night makes no sense

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I wish that would've worked

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  (870): This bar receipt from last night makes no sense (573): You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total (870): I wish that would've worked http://tfl.nu/u8a6
  Replies (24) Good night (3192) Bad night (574)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"

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  (208): Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores" http://tfl.nu/e2re
  Replies (37) Good night (848) Bad night (8561) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.

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  (219): so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night. http://tfl.nu/edgl
  Replies (15) Good night (4151) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.

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  (541): i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis. http://tfl.nu/2bxd
  Replies (35) Good night (1065) Bad night (7986) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"

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  (508): I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money" http://tfl.nu/engr
  Replies (14) Good night (6189) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7

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  (617): On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7 http://tfl.nu/lyiq
  Replies (3) Good night (2534) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.

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  (845): Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye. http://tfl.nu/5hfu
  Replies (20) Good night (1328) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.

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  (251): Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on. http://tfl.nu/zy8a
  Replies (53) Good night (783) Bad night (2856) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.

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  (941): Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil. http://tfl.nu/r5gy
  Replies (1) Good night (1833) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?

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  (515): We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences? http://tfl.nu/xlpv
  Replies (2) Good night (1031) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.

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  (405): I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities. http://tfl.nu/i4vg
  Replies (7) Good night (556) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol

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  (913): The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol http://tfl.nu/w5ds
  Replies (5) Good night (966) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.

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  (310): I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl. http://tfl.nu/jncu
  Replies (3) Good night (630) Bad night (261) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.

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  (337): Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work. http://tfl.nu/3b5u
  Replies (8) Good night (1425) Bad night (326)

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