The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football