i was born a porn star she said
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
