Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
