I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
