I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
