Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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