hotel room ftw
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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