THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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