I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
