I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
