He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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