apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize