I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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