that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh god it's open bar.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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