I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
