you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
