I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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