she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
