I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
