My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
