i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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