i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
