I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
