I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
