Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
