do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
