I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
