ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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