just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
