Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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