Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
