when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
