I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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