i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
...so i touched it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
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My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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