watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize