Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
