I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
