why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
