Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
