Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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