i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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